


No Reason For Trimming the Tree

by pandorabox82



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: 12 Days of Ficmas, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-12 02:41:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29003151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandorabox82/pseuds/pandorabox82
Summary: JJ doesn't know how she'll survive the holiday season after losing Will, but finds that Emily and Penelope are there for her as she tries to move forward with her life.
Relationships: Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Emily Prentiss
Kudos: 35





	No Reason For Trimming the Tree

JJ still felt guilty about just how much money she had received from the city following Will's untimely death in the line of duty. But Emily had been the one to encourage her to sue not only the city, but the federal government as well, since the team should have been faster that day of the bank heist. She knew that Strauss had been displeased at being drawn into the middle of a very messy situation, but through Rossi, the older woman let her know that she was on JJ's side, even if she couldn't say so outright in the weeks of the arbitration. Which was why, the moment the money had been wired into her account, JJ had made a large donation to the Betty Ford Clinic in Erin's name. It had seemed only right, since there had always been these mysterious hints for her lawyer as to what best tack to take with the other side.

And now, she was staring at her laptop, trying to figure out the best Christmas presents to buy for her work family. Alex Blake had been relatively easy, since she didn't know the woman all that well yet, beyond the fact that she was on the same level of intelligence as Reid, and it was scary to have two of them now in her orbit. So she had hunted down an obscure first edition of a book by Noam Chomsky, even though she had no idea what he was saying from the little that she had thumbed through the pages. Spence had also been easy, since she knew that h was working on adding Norwegian to his language bank, and so she had bought him a few books in the language.

The others, though, were more difficult. Penelope was helping her source an appropriate gift for Strauss, since she wanted to thank her personally, too, for her assistance during the case. JJ wanted to get Penelope a pair of Louboutin shoes, but had the feeling that her friend would not like that she had spent so lavishly on her. Which meant that she would also have to make a donation to a charity of Penelope's choice. Which she didn't mind, because that would be doing good, which is what she really wanted. Hotch would also be a difficult one to purchase for, but JJ had a few ideas in mind for him. She sighed as she tapped the list in front of her with her pen, trying to fill in the missing pieces of gifts.

JJ was so lost in thought that it took her a few moments to realise that her phone was ringing and there was someone knocking at her door. Frowning, she picked up the phone to see that it was Emily calling, and she answered as she got up from the kitchen table to head to the door. "Hey Emily, can you hold on one second? There's someone knocking on my door."

"That would be me, Jayje. Will you let me in?"

"Oh, yeah." JJ ended the call as she jogged over to the front door, unlocking it and allowing her friend to come inside. "Sorry, I was trying to make up my shopping list. I want everything to be perfect this year, since it will be Henry's first without Will, and I have the money to afford something magical for everyone, and…I guess I just feel a little overwhelmed. By everything."

"I get that, I felt that way when I was living in Paris under a new name. It had been difficult enough to get used to being called Lauren Reynold back in the day, it was even weirder to have a third name. It reminded me of that case we handled in Florida a few years ago." JJ nodded as they made their way into the kitchen, and Emily took a seat at the table. "So, Garcia will be here in about ten minutes, and then we can head out shopping."

"I'm sorry?"

Emily gave her a crooked smile. "I figured that you would probably need support to get everything done this year, so I called Garcia to help us out. She'll watch Henry and get the tree up and decorated with him while we spend the day finishing that list. How many people do you have left to buy for?"

"Including you and Henry?" Emily nodded. "Too many. And before you ask for more, it's eight. Henry will need more, since I want to spoil him to make up for losing Will."

"Well, let me make a plan of attack, based on who is left." JJ nodded as she slid the notepad over to Emily. "Strauss?"

"Yeah. She really helped me out during the lawsuit, and…" She pursed her lips together, wondering how much she could tell Emily about that op. It was still, technically, classified, but she also knew that Emily knew how to keep a secret. Taking a deep breath, she glanced over at the kitchen door to make certain that Henry wasn't around to overhear anything. "We worked together in the Middle East, back during that year I was supposed to be with the State Department. It suddenly made sense why she wanted me to say yes to the transfer, because she didn't want to go alone. She didn't want to be away from her kids for so long. And a part of me thinks that I might be partially to blame for her worsening alcoholism. I had a miscarriage, because I disobeyed her direct order and went out with a team to get information, and we ended up getting attacked. You've only seen her at work, you've never seen how she looks when she's feeling like she failed. I never want to see that look on her face ever again."

"Oh," Emily murmured as she continued to glance over the list. "I suppose that she has been softer since we all found out that she was seeing Rossi. They do make a handsome couple."

JJ nodded as she blinked back tears. "So I really want to do something kind for her, beyond the donation I made in her name." She was going to say more when she heard the doorbell ring, and she gave Emily a lopsided smile. "Garcia's early."

"That doesn't surprise me, since she's going to spend time with her godson."

JJ nodded again before turning around and heading to the front door. "Gumdrop! Where is my little Henny Benny?"

"Playing in his room, I think. Thank you for doing this."

"I would do anything for you, Jayje. Especially this year. So much upheaval has happened, but we're still going to have each other. And while I know that you can't have the happiest time this Christmas, go out and shop until you drop. I don't want to see you and Emily back here until well after six. I'll call a pizza order in for us to arrive at seven, so that we can get all your gifts brought inside and into the dining room. And if you want help after we eat, we'll wrap with you, too." Garcia wrapped JJ into a tight hug before kissing her cheek softly. "Anything to help get you through this season. We love you so much. All of us. And I managed to weasel out a few gift ideas for Erin from Rossi. He sang like a canary once I managed to source him some of the good cigars."

JJ let out a watery laugh as she nodded, swiping away a few tears as she stepped away from Garcia and gave her a little smile. "Thank you." Garcia smiled back before kissing her cheek once more and then rummaging around in her purse for something.

"Here, this is the list of things that would be nice for Erin. He even included sizes, since she mentioned wanting a pair of leather gloves. This man is a dream to work with, I swear! Enjoy your time with Emily, I know that her presence will be good for you."

JJ smiled a little. "She's been a godsend for me as she's transferred over to working with Katie Cole and her team. Not that you haven't, PG, but…"

"There's just something different about having your best friend able to be with you so much more. I get it. Now go, you need to beat the crowds." Garcia hugged JJ once more before pushing her in the direction of the kitchen before she started to head upstairs, probably to check on Henry. Taking a deep breath, JJ turned to go back into the kitchen, only to find that Emily had come out to join her in the foyer.

"I brought your coat and purse with me, since I thought we'd take my car. The trunk is empty, which will make it easier to put packages in there."

"Good thinking, Em," she replied with a smile, slipping into her coat before stepping into her shoes and taking the purse from Emily's hands. "So, I have my list, and the list of ideas from Dave, do you think I need anything else?"

"Not that I can think of. We can stop for coffee along the way?"

"You had me at coffee," JJ quickly replied before following Emily out the door and into her car. The drive to the mall took a little longer than normal, since it seemed like everyone had the same idea as them, and JJ groaned a little as she swirled the last of her coffee around in her cup, wishing that there was vodka or gin in it as well. "This is going to suck," she said as Emily found a parking spot far away from the door.

"We'll just take our time, and I'll run bags out to the car when they get to be a bit too many."

She drew in a deep breath as she finished off her coffee and then got out of the car, listening to Emily lock the doors before they made their way inside. It was so busy with people that JJ thought she would never get anything accomplished, but Emily just gave her a small smile before threading their arms together and leading her deeper into the anchor store in order to get into the mall proper. There was something so comfortable about the way that they were walking, and JJ wondered if it would be appropriate to just never let her go. Sighing a little, she glanced at the lists in her hand before looking back at Emily. "So, I think we should tackle the upstairs first, get lunch at the food court, and then do downstairs. Sound like a plan?"

"That works perfectly for me." They exchanged brief smiles before Emily led her over to the escalators. "Though we might have to split up at one point, because I still haven't found the perfect gift for you."

"I have to find your gift, too, Em, so that will be fine." They stepped off the escalator and JJ instinctively turned to her right, going with the flow of traffic. As the hours passed, JJ found herself relaxing for the first time in what felt like weeks, and Emily seemed to notice the change in her demeanor, since she began to talk about things that were happening with work, things that she usually kept from JJ no matter how much she wheedled her for information. It was so good to connect with her a little more closely, and JJ tried to push aside the feelings that were bubbling beneath the surface of her mind. "All right, if you want to run the bags we've currently accumulated to the car, I'm going to get your Christmas gift. I saw something that I wanted to get for you."

A shy expression crept over JJ's features as she looked away from Emily to stare down into the remains of her lunch. She didn't know why she was feeling off kilter suddenly, but it was good to be reminded that she could still feel something other than overwhelming sorrow. The civil suit had directed her energy for so long, helping her to bury the hurt of losing Will deep in her heart, but after that had been completed, she had felt adrift, lost, no matter how much Garcia or Emily tried to pull her out of her shell. Hotch understood, as she had known he would, and had been the best friend she could have asked for in that situation, even though she knew that he never wanted her to join the same club as him. In that brief moment of silence, Emily reached across the table and rubbed her hand lightly. "All right, I'll meet you downstairs in twenty minutes, then? Because I found the perfect thing for you, too."

"Sounds perfect," she replied as she looked up in time to see the soft, open, look on Emily's face. It was an expression that she knew quite well, since she had used it often herself when looking at Emily when she thought that the other woman wasn't looking. "All right, see you in twenty." JJ got up from the table and made her way back down the hall, never looking back to see if Emily was watching after her. It didn't take long to get back to the jewelry store, and then she was purchasing both the bracelet that had caught her eye for Emily, along with a necklace that screamed Erin to her. It wasn't a romantic piece of jewelry, for either woman, but JJ still felt a little embarrassed at the notion of her gift being misconstrued.

"I can wrap these for you, if you'd like, Miss," the clerk said after ringing her up, and JJ gave her a tiny smile as she nodded. "Excellent. Here are two tags to attach to the gifts when I'm done." JJ took them and the pen the woman passed over, quickly addressing the one for Erin before staring at the other. Hurriedly, she scrawled her own message on it, _Merry Christmas, Emily, with love, JJ._ Once the gifts were finished and placed in a bag, JJ made her way downstairs to wait by the escalators for Emily, pulling out her phone to see if she had missed any calls while she waited. There were a few texts from Garcia, mostly pictures of her and Henry having fun, and JJ tapped out a one handed reply as she smiled to think about how Emily might react to the present. She hoped that she would like it, just like she hoped Erin would like her gift.

"Hey, Jayje, I hope that you weren't waiting for me long."

She shook her head as she slipped her phone back into her pocket and gave Emily an open smile. "No, it was perfect, it allowed me to send a few replies to Penelope. Now, let's tackle the bottom floor, and maybe get this list finished."

"How many more people do you have to buy for?"

"Rossi, a few more things for Henry, and PG. I want to get her a pair of Louboutin shoes, which are sold in Nordstrom, so I know that they're available, but I also think that she'll yell at me if I get them for her. But she deserves the best this year?"

"I totally understand, Jayje. And, if you throw away the receipt, 'on accident', she can't return them!" Emily nudged her with her elbow, giving her a wide grin, and JJ nodded as they started their rounds. As they shopped, she managed to pick up the last few things for Henry, which helped to alleviate some of the lingering guilt and sorrow that she felt about him losing his father. Rossi, though, was proving to be a bit difficult, and she hoped that she'd find something for him inside Nordstrom, after picking out the perfect pair of shoes for Penelope.

"I really wish that I had thought to ask Straus what Rossi might like before we went shopping. Somehow, I have the feeling that she would have provided me with an annotated list, just like Rossi did for her."

"You could always call her? I'm certain that she wouldn't mind an interruption from whatever Rossi has her doing."

JJ laughed as she pulled out her phone, scrolling through her contacts until she reached Erin's number, touching it to dial before bringing the phone to her ear. "Hello?"

"Hi, Erin, this is JJ. I hope that I'm not interrupting anything, but I am having serious trouble finding the perfect gift for Rossi, and thought that you might have a few idea for what I should give him?"

The older woman chuckled slightly. "He can be quite the conundrum. I'd say cigars, but I have the feeling that Ms. Garcia already has that covered. A donation in his name to a charity would be the best thing, but I have the feeling that you want to give something tangible, yes?"

"Yes."

"He is awfully fond of ties. And a good silk one will probably fit your budget, if I'm correct in assuming that you're using the settlement to purchase lovely things for your friends?"

"You should have been a profiler."

Again, that soft chuckle sounded, though this time it was a bit sad. "In another lifetime, I was. Before I was fast tracked for the Section Chief job. Now, before I let you go, I should tell you that David prefers red or blue, with a more subtle pattern, since he only wears them to church, or when he has to be formal at work. And please, don't feel like you have to get something for me. The donation that you made in my name was more than generous, and I truly appreciate that."

"I'll keep that in mind, ma'am. And thank you for the nudge in the right direction. I'll see you at Penelope's Christmas party?"

"Yes."

They ended the call, and JJ gave Emily a relieved smile. "I have a direction and a color. Let's head to Nordstrom." Emily nodded as she slipped her arm into the crook of JJ's arm, and together they made their way to the final store. It surprised her how quickly she was able to find the perfect pair of shoes for Penelope, and she laughed at the shocked look on Emily's face when she saw the price tag. "Those are dream shoes, Emily. The only way that we would be able to justify a purchase like that would be because we came into money, which I have. This Christmas, I get to spread a little magic, and I need to do just that. Now, let's go find Rossi's tie."

She began to head over to the men's department, only to pass by the accessories department, her eye falling on a truly sumptuous pair of soft green leather driving gloves. "Those will be perfect for Strauss, too. She'll just have to deal with it," she murmured as she glanced at the list Rossi had given her to ensure that she picked up the correct size. And then they were in the men's department, and JJ looked around at the ties, seeing just how many options there were.

"What colors did Strauss mention?"

"Red or blue, with a subtle pattern, if there had to be one." Emily nodded as she began to thumb through the offerings on one side of the display, while JJ went to the other, trying not to become overwhelmed. Will had never really been into ties, using the ones he had inherited from his father when he had to wear one. That was one of the things that she had grown to love about him over their years together, and she took a few shuddering breaths as she looked through the ties without really seeing them. That was, until she found a pale blue tie with a dark navy paisley pattern on it.

"I take it that you found the right one?"

JJ nodded as she added it to the gifts already in her hands. "Yes! Which puts us a little ahead of schedule, so let me call Garcia to have her order us pizzas for when we get back. And I am extremely glad that she agreed to help me wrap, because I may have channeled my inner PG and went way overboard on things for Henry?"

Emily laughed as they made their way to the tills. While they waited to pay, they kept up a running conversation about nothing very important, which helped to pass the time, since it seemed like everyone had had the same idea as JJ and chosen to queue up to leave. Finally, though, she was paying and then they were heading back out to Emily's car. Once JJ was in the passenger seat, she pulled out her phone and called Garcia. "Gumdrop! Are you two done already?"

"We are, and Emily is just pulling out of our parking space. Do you want to order pizzas for us?"

"I love the way you think. And are you going to need my help wrapping gifts?"

"That would be a yes. I may have gone a little bit overboard. I still have to ask Emily, but I thought that she could keep Henry occupied while I bring all the bags inside, so he doesn't try to peek. At least we can set him up in the living room to watch television while we wrap in the dining room."

"Sounds like a plan, and I will order food as soon as we're off the phone. See you soon!"

JJ responded in kind before ending the call and slipping her phone in her pocket. "So, do you mind playing distraction for a few minutes after we eat?"

"That will be fine, I adore that little guy."

JJ grinned at her friend as they drove towards her home, and then she reached out to turn up the radio, wanting to listen to Christmas music while Emily drove. Soon enough, they were singing along, and for the first time since Will died, JJ felt a warm sense of happiness fill her body. A tiny part of her felt guilty for that, but somehow, she knew that Will would understand. Finally, they were home, and she jumped out of the car the moment Emily had it in park, grinning when Henry opened the door and ran out onto the stoop so that she could scoop him up in her arms, holding him close as Emily joined them to head inside. "Did you have a good day with Aunt Penny?" she asked as they went into the living room.

"I did! She told me stories and we played games and colored. And she told me that Emmy is going to play with me for a little bit after the pizza gets here. Can we eat and watch a movie?"

She was loathe to tell him no, so JJ nodded and gave him a small smile. "I suppose that we can bend the rules for one day, Henry. And it looks like you decorated the tree, too! What a great job you did!" JJ kissed his cheek loudly before settling down on the sofa, Emily sinking into the chair next to the tree. JJ couldn't help but notice that the other woman kept glancing over at her, and she smiled softly as they listened to Henry prattle away, as if he was making up for the few hours that she had been gone.

"Pizza is here!" Penelope sang out a few minutes later, carrying in three boxes. "I know, I know, this looks like a ton of pizza, but I wanted veggie, and Henry wanted only ham, and I know that you two prefer supreme, so I got one of each. I'll set this here before heading into the kitchen and getting plates and everything."

"I'll help, Garcia," Emily said as she popped to her feet. "Soda tonight?"

"Yes, until we get to wrapping. Then we'll switch to beer."

Emily nodded and followed Penelope out of the living room, which gave JJ a moment to hug Henry tightly to her side as she took a few deep breaths. "How are you doing, buddy?"

"I miss Daddy. I know he's not coming home, but I want him to. But he's keeping Jack's mommy company in Heaven."

"Who told you that, baby?"

"Aunt Penelope. I hope that they're playing soccer together."

JJ ruffled his hair before bending down and kissing the top of his head. "I hope so, too, Hen." He snuggled in closer to her side as Emily returned with a tray filled with glasses, a bucket of ice, and a few two liters of soda. "I don't think that the four of us are going to drink that much, Emily."

"Choices are the spice of life, Jayje. And just think, maybe if the little pitcher drinks enough sugary stuff, he'll fall asleep before we have to worry about starting the wrapping."

"I like the way you think, Em," she said as she slid forward on the sofa, reaching out to fill a glass part way full for Henry. "All right, where is Penelope with our plates? I am hungry!"

"Sorry, sorry! I had to dig through your drawers to find napkins, just in case one of us spilled," Penelope replied as she bustled into the room, a wide grin on her lips. "I mean, I know that I can be a bit clumsy at times, and you have a beige couch. At least mine is dark enough you can't see if there are stains if I happen to spill. Were we going to watch anything while we ate? I haven't seen _Frosty the Snowman_ yet this year."

JJ nodded as she cued up Netflix and then helped Henry get his pizza before grabbing a few slices herself and scooting back in the sofa to get more comfortable. By the time the show was over, Henry was truly on his way to sleep, and Emily gave her a small wink as she took a seat next to him on the sofa while Penelope and JJ began to clean up the meal. "I'll get him to bed if he falls asleep before you get everything wrapped."

"Are you sure you don't mind this?"

"No, I love looking after the little guy."

JJ nodded before following Penelope into the kitchen. It was a quick thing to put all the dishes in the washer before they shrugged into their coats and brought the shopping bags inside. Between the two of them, they were able to bring everything inside in two trips, and then JJ began to sort everything, making certain to keep the gift for Penelope away from her prying eyes, as she knew that she would just tell JJ to bring them right back, and that was certainly not going to happen.

"All right where do you want to start first?" Penelope asked once everything was in manageable piles.

"With the gifts for the team. Why don't you go check on Emily for about five minutes, so that I can get your gift wrapped?" Penelope frowned a little as JJ shooed her out of the room with a wave of her hand, and as soon as she was gone, JJ let out a sigh of relief, quickly selecting the prettiest paper that she had and wrapping the shoebox with as much skill and care as she could, tying the ribbon bow with a flourish before making out a nametag and attaching it to the bow.

"All right, let's start the assembly line," Emily said as she entered the room with Penelope a short time later. "Henry crashed about two minutes after you left the room, so we put him up in his bed. But did you really buy all those things for him?" she asked incredulously as she looked at the rather large pile on the end of the dining room table.

"Yeah, I may have gone a little bit overboard. And I know that Mom will be bringing more, too, when she comes next week. I know, it's not healthy to fill him up on things, but I just want to replace the sad memories with happy ones. At least there was a good space of time between when we lost Will and the holidays. Foyet murdered Haley so close to Christmas that it really cast a pall over the festivities for Jack and Hotch."

The others nodded as JJ picked the first present for Henry off the pile. Soon, they fell into a natural rhythm and had everything wrapped, even her gifts for the team, in four hours, though she was exhausted by the end of the marathon wrapping session. "Do you mind if I crash on your couch, Jayje? I really don't feel like heading home this late."

"That's fine, Penelope. Though you can sleep in the guest room, too."

"Oh, yeah, that is also an option. See, I told you I'm knackered. What say you, Emily? Mind sharing a bed with me tonight, or planning on heading home?"

JJ was interested to know how the woman would answer, but wasn't surprised to see her shrug a few seconds later. "Well, if you're staying, I might as well stay, too. Make it a girl's night." She gave JJ a small wink, which caused her to blush a little as she nodded in approval. "Well, let's get these gifts under the tree for Hen, and then crack open a few beers and watch a movie before we head to bed like the middle aged women we are."

JJ giggled as she nodded, picking up the largest stack of gifts she could carry and slowly made her way into the living room, artfully arranging them beneath the tree before taking the presents from Emily's and Penelope's hands. It seemed like more than they had wrapped ended up under the tree, and JJ took a good look at some of the tags on the unfamiliar gifts to see that they were from Penelope and Emily. Tearing up a little, she pushed herself to her feet in order to collapse on the sofa while Penelope and Emily were rummaging around in her kitchen. She didn't deserve such good friends, especially not when she had a wavering heart when it came to Emily.

"Hey, what's wrong?" the woman in question asked when she returned with two beers, handing one to JJ as she took a seat next to her. She shrugged as she let her head thump down on Emily's shoulder, not really wanting to pull the mood of the entire group down when she was the only one who was feeling so melancholy again. "Jayje, talk to us."

"I just started to feel sad again. I've been told that these times will come, and I hate to be a downer, so let's just focus on a happy Christmas movie that will make me cry in the right way, instead of in the broken way." Emily gave her an unhappy nod as Penelope plunked down on JJ"s other side, patting her shoulder softly as she scrolled through the list of movies available to them on Netfilx before settling on _Home Alone_.

"This is the second most perfect Christmas movie," she said while the movie began.

"Oh, well, what's the first then?"

" _Die Hard_! It's not Christmas until Hans Gruber has fallen off of Nakatomi Tower!" This made JJ snort with laughter, and she took a swig of beer to keep from choking. "I swear, now every time you watch that movie, you'll think of Christmas, and me." Penelope turned her head and pressed a quick kiss to JJ's cheek. "Now, let's enjoy the show."

JJ nodded as she curled up into Emily a little more, finding something soothing about the way she could feel the other woman breathe as they relaxed over the course of the movie, and the way that Penelope would occasionally reach out to rub her shoulder lightly also helped to soothe her in a way that she didn't know that she needed. "Thank you, both of you," she murmured as the end credits rolled, and she smiled when Penelope quickly got to her feet, holding out her hands to Emily and JJ, helping them to their feet. "All right, let's see about getting you something to wear to sleep in."

She grabbed their empty bottles and hurried into the kitchen to wash them out before heading to the stairs. Emily and Penelope were waiting there for her, and she smiled at them before making her way up, knowing that they would follow after. JJ made a small detour to look in on Henry, letting out a soft sigh to see him sleeping soundly. "He's so adorable, Jayje," Emily whispered in her ear, and she nodded as she leaned back against the woman, wanting to feel warm. It was so nice to have Emily immediately close her arm around her waist, and she almost melted into the woman as she turned them around and guided her into her bedroom. "Twinkle twinkle time, Cheeto breath."

"I know. Here, let me find you something to wear." She pulled away from Emily to head over to the dresser and pulled out three shirts and three pairs of sweats. "Hopefully these fit you, PG, because I don't have anything else, I'm sorry."

"I'll make it work, don't worry. I'll leave the light on for you, Emily."

Penelope hugged her tight before leaving them alone, and JJ found herself unconsciously holding her breath as she looked into Emily's eyes. "I should probably…"

"Kiss me?" JJ blurted out before gasping in horror. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't, you're just being honest. We've danced around these feelings for years, and now you're feeling guilty for feeling them, after what happened to Will, and how I survived and he didn't. And if you want to kiss me, I won't say no."

JJ nodded before bursting into tears, allowing Emily to pull her into a warm embrace, her hand rubbing up and down her back in gentle strokes as she hummed in JJ's ear. "I just want to feel right again. I know, I can't push my grief to go faster, but I also feel like I'll be stuck in this holding pattern forever. As if there will never be a reason to trim our Christmas tree ever again. I loved seeing what Penelope did with it, but…I wouldn't have gone to such lengths, I'd have just gone basic, for Henry's sake. That makes me a monster."

"No, darling, that makes you a grieving mother. It's okay to grieve. And it's okay to feel."

JJ nodded as she pulled away from Emily to look into her eyes, not seeing any of the anger she had expected in her gaze. Before she could stop herself, JJ leaned in and kissed her softly before burying her face in the crook of Emily's neck and taking a few deep breaths. "Maybe, after Christmas, we could go out, just the two of us?" she asked, not really certain if she wanted to see Emily's face when she turned her down gently.

"I would really like that, Jen. And we will make whatever this is between us work. We've danced around it for far too long to ignore any longer." JJ sighed as she felt Emily turn her head to kiss her temple softly. "Now, I need to go to the bathroom, change, and join Penelope for the night. Because we're not ready to share a bed, not yet."

"Okay."

"Sleep well, Jen." She nodded as Emily pulled away from her and then they were kissing once more, soft and tender, and for the first time in months, JJ felt like something was finally going right in her life.


End file.
